the awkward stage

Caring for a new baby has been awkward enough for the first few weeks.  If you have ever tried to clothe, feed, and/or bathe a newborn, you know what awkward is.  Now I'm getting the hang of these things, but am faced with a new challenge:  getting out.  Getting out of the house with a baby--with all of the self-consciousness this entails and the piles of STUFF inevitably needed--represents a new level of awkwardness.  Which is why I mostly stayed home for almost three weeks.

Amy to the rescue!

Before my friend Amy came to visit, JB and I had gone out with the baby together a few times, but I had not actually driven the car with the baby on board.  So when Amy got here, she said, "Let's make sure we get out every day."  Every day?!  

That's just what we did.  We figured out the sling wrap and went for a long walk in the park; we took him out to the World Hunger Relief Farm for Farm day; we took turns holding the baby through a wonderful art exhibit; we took the baby when we went out to eat.  I even had the confidence to bring the baby out to an art exhibit and lecture all by myself the day after she left.  He started squeaking a bit half-way through the lecture, so I took him out, but overall it was a successful trip--I felt proud of myself and my baby.  

Benjamin in moby wrap at The Farm with Christy the midwife

I was especially proud when I considered the awkwardness of the museum outing a few days before. As I was wandering around with the baby in my arms looking for a place to nurse, I decided I needed to use the restroom.  How on earth I am supposed to do that without a place to put the baby down?  Let's just say it can be done. As though that weren't enough, when he started crying in the gallery I took him out so quickly that I forgot the diaper bag. I finally found an empty theatre in which to nurse him, all the while hoping that I wouldn't regret not having a burp cloth.  

I returned to the gallery wondering why I had ever taken him out of the house to begin with, but then Benjamin fell asleep in my arms (and then Amy's arms) and I got to spend a wonderful half hour looking at the work of Georges Rouault.  And Amy and I even got to have a conversation about it!  My mind expanded beyond the immediate concerns of my child and I felt--for a moment--the transcendence of being surrounded by beauty and knowing it deeply.  Beautiful art, beautiful child and friend.    

And sometimes for all of his beauty, he is also a bit funny looking:  

Happy one month birthday Benjamin!   

Eyes wide open

I guess we're doing something right.  Benjamin has gained 19 ounces since his first check-up two weeks ago:  13 ounces above his birth weight.  I've feel like nursing him has been my primary occupation for the last two weeks, so this is gratifying. We've not only kept him alive for almost three weeks, the child has grown!

I snapped this picture during one of his few waking moments this afternoon.  It's nearly 8pm and he's sleeping soundly again.  I wonder what this will mean for us tonight?  The only time he doesn't seem to want to sleep is between 9 and midnight, precisely when JB and I are most tired and in need of sleep.

The following faces were made right after I put the finishing touches on some of David Lebovitz's potato -leek soup.  With homemade artisan bread.  The perfect ending to a cold, rainy fall day.

Benjamin made his first appearance in church this week and slept through the whole three hour ordeal.  We have felt loved by folks at church the last few weeks as they've brought meals and dropped by for visits and offered lots of help.  But it was fun to introduce Benjamin to the special experience that is Hope Fellowship on Sunday morning.  Our church house is still bursting at the seams as we continue to grow in number, but for a year or two at least Benjamin will add more to the noise than the space.  

In other news, this week I decided to teach a class at Baylor again next semester.  The English department must have called at a time when I was feeling particularly stir-crazy because I accepted the job eagerly and right away.  This job--I need to remind myself--is the same that two years ago I was all too eager to take a break from for a while.  But two years later I am even tempted to take on two classes.   I'm only teaching one class, but I think Benjamin will ultimately benefit from having a mother who goes out into the adult world for a few hours a week and does what her education has prepared her to do.