Benjamin Henry Smith

On Tuesday evening, October 12, JB and I finally took our tour of the labor and delivery wing at Providence hospital where I would (we thought) be giving birth in a mere three weeks.  As the nurse showed us around the delivery room, we asked our questions and mooned around thinking three weeks seemed so near, so far.  Back at home, JB finished waxing the wood floors in the baby room, and I went to bed thinking about how much our child could still grow in the next three weeks.  And then at 5 am the next morning I felt the first indications that Benjamin would not be waiting three more weeks.  For the next four hours my body and his were in negotiations from which my conscious mind was excluded, but by 9am we were pretty sure he was coming.

In birthing class we joked about the woman in one of the videos we watched who went out and bought a washing machine during early labor.  But really, the first few hours of labor were quite pleasant.  I got some baby clothes laundered, the kitchen cleaned, the hospital bag packed, and JB made us breakfast.  By late afternoon, Christy came by to check me, and labor started to be not-so-pleasant.  She went home to take a nap, and JB helped me through increasingly difficult contractions. On the way to the hospital at around midnight, the familiar lights of Waco Drive looked so strange--maybe it was the pain, maybe the new reality of motherhood I was beginning.

Christy and JB were by my side from midnight until Benjamin was born at 7am.  They coached me and held me and reminded me to breathe.  They supported me when I lost hope and decided I needed pain relief and rejoiced with me when I was ready to push before the doctor even arrived to administer the pain meds.  The joy and amazement in their voices as Benjamin emerged got me through the last pushes, and Benjamin was born at 6:58 in the morning, just as the sun was starting to rise over Waco.  

And now, ten days later (and still almost two weeks from his due date), Benjamin is feeding well and sleeping a lot and starting to explore the world with his big blue eyes.  I know he is only supposed to be able to see 8-10 inches in front of his face and only in black and white at this point, but still, he looks curious and definitely seems to recognize his mother and father.  And he hiccups.  A lot.  

For his one week birthday, we took him for an outing to Cameron park.  I was also getting a bit stir-crazy and needed to get out of the house.  

You wouldn't know it from these pictures, but his eyes do open.  I don't think I have any good pictures of that yet.  So here's one Benjamin with my other blue-eyed man, sitting on the porch swing:  their favorite place to be together.  

Lake Waco Wetlands

With four weeks to go, JB, Brazos, and I took an early fall trip out to the Lake Waco Wetlands on Monday morning.  JB had the day off, the weather couldn't be better, and we were curious to see what the wetlands were like after having been drained over the summer and partially burned to promote diversity in new growth.  The cattails still looked to be taking over to me, but it was still quite peaceful and beautiful.

We saw the great blue heron nests from a distance and had fun imagining bringing the baby with us in his backpack carrier on our next trip out there.  It was great to put aside our normal routines and spend a peaceful morning outside together mentally preparing for the baby's arrival.  We also wanted to see if we could find some more photos of the wetlands for the baby's room but the education building wasn't open.  So far we have a great one of some dragonflies that JB got as part of a project at work, but we'd like a few more to complete the wetlands theme.  Maybe grandma Wilson would like to draw or paint something for the baby room too??

I'm writing about being outside like it was a novelty, as though I hadn't just spent the whole weekend at a women's retreat in the country.  The women of Hope Fellowship retreated to Clifton with Enuma Okoro to lead us in times of worship, reflection, and sharing together.  I knew it was going to be a great retreat when we started off sharing about ourselves through works of art and I got to reflect on a Matisse painting (the one with the red women dancing in a circle).  One of the best parts of the weekend was sharing a room with my midwife!  I feel so blessed that my midwife is also my friend:  someone with whom I share a church (we sit together as "musician widows" when our husbands are playing music for worship), eat meals, and exchange book recommendations.  Christy is right by all of her patients' sides throughout labor and delivery, but I feel like she has been with me in a special way already throughout the pregnancy, exulting with me as I grow and reassuring me through the less glamorous symptoms.  Knowing one's midwife or doctor is not necessary nor even possible for most women, but I am thankful for the special joy it has brought to my pregnancy.

...and a party for the Lands.

JB and I finally got to host Hope Fellowship and folks from the Farm at our house last night.  We first got to know the Lands when they lived at the World Hunger Relief Farm, but they've also become part of the life of our church in the last year, and now they are going away--moving to Bolivia to work with MCC for three years.  I have been so thankful for Sarah's willingness to talk to me about everything regarding childbirth and her openness about raising her own young children.  And now she won't even be here when our baby is born!  Sadness.  

We celebrated their new adventure with dessert and music on the back porch.  I hope that our house will always be a place where people can come together to play music.

And here are some beautiful women responding to Michelle's (on the right) exciting news--she and Matt have been chosen as adoptive parents for a pair of brothers!  They've been in adoption limbo for so long, and now they'll be new parents before our baby is even born.  Wow.  What an answer to prayer.

baby shower

Bethany, these clothes appear to be for a ... BABY!  The look of incredulity on JB's face here is just wonderful, isn't it?  No, we are not getting married again--this shower is for our baby who is due to be born in less than five weeks now.  Our new friend Kelly (Hi Kelly!) was kind enough to take pictures for our Hope Fellowship baby shower a few weeks ago.

The pre-school age children find it easier than we do to accept pregnancy and childbirth.  (And as the picture shows, they were very eager to help us open gifts.)  My encounters with 3-5 year olds during my pregnancy have been surprisingly profound.  They are just tall enough that they have to look up and over my belly to talk to me, and more than one of them has put her hands on my belly and said with a look of utter seriousness, "You are going to have a baby."  They ask questions like, "Can I see it?"  "When is your baby going to come out?"  "Why can't I see it?" When I tell them the baby is inside and is not big enough to come out yet, they stare up at me with a look of wonder that I can only describe as having some glimmer of memory.  They are, after all, not so very far removed from the womb themselves.  I guess I don't mean that they literally remember being in the womb, but they seem to understand or accept pregnancy and childbirth on an intuitive level that I have never perceived in my conversations with adults.  Whatever there is to this, I have very much enjoyed my interactions with children as a pregnant lady.  Hard to fathom that our son will be that age himself some day.